The New Me

The day started as usual by 5 AM, nothing so strange, till 12noun was busy with the office work, then started to think " What to do now ? " The same question I raised an year back on the same day !!!
The changes I found myself in me

1) First thing ppl would notice is I weirdly put on weight

2) Ppl say I look fiercely now as in they are forced to talk or laugh with me instead of being with me, in spite of all this I was blamed that I’ve changed and yes I ought to change

3) To me my professional life definitely and differently changed for which I am waiting from my Class 2, Last year by this am not professional yes that’s true at least now I should admit it

4) Ppl started to give special respect for being ethical , I was astonished how come ppl changed suddenly about the same person, is the change in me or change in them?

5) Parents and sibling at home started special care

I questioned myself again why this sudden change in you? No answer for the question,

My Journey

Its the time to start to MH on APSRTC bus 14 Apr 2010, my mind is full to thoughts and dreams, Donno how to publish them before, never ever had an experience, though I aint a vivid communicator, I wanted to do the best to get into , the bus started, Mom was chitchatting with me about something related to my freehand spend thrift and was scolding about my anger :D , but I wasn’t concentrating in anyway, my mind is full of dreams, some how I managed to talk for a while later on lied am feeling sleepy which is not the case , Just closed my eyes and thinking. The bus stopped at Adilabad for about 2 hours for which I fought with the driver and conductor hehe and was successful making them to start. Alas we arrived Amaravathi which is the hottest place I ever went, skin is like burning all the time. We alighted into the car brought by them, and was moved to a guest house which is comfortable enough for a day or two stay. I got my delicious food served and finally started to their house.

Annavaram Sri Satyanarayana Swamy vari Kalyanotsavam

This was my first experience of having a chance to see kalyanotsav...

Poddunne... mukkuthu mooluguthu 3.30AM ki lecham train 4.50AM ki undi Kakinada town railway station ninchi Annavaramki...
4ki alarm unna sare danikanna kangaruga amma 3.30ke lepesindi... so chachinnattu lechamu...
antha ready aayesariki 4.30 ayyindi...nemmadiga station ki nadicham ( inti ninchi 10mins walk anthe)...
ee kangarulo nenu purse marchipoyanu....dimmatirigindi... montham paisalu anni dantlone unnai sare ani vennakki parigetta.... techukuni vachanu... mundu roju rathre velli train tickets konesanu...so kangaru lekunda ayyindi.....Asusal vachaka amma vallatho butulu...( niku sradhaledu adi ledu idi ledu...****, ....) ila tittlu padutunna samayamlo train rane vachindi.... nenu edo pedda salaha ichinnattu andaram train last bhogi degara ninchunnam teera train chuste last bhogi full ayyi chachindi... inkemundi 10 mandi velli andulo ninchunnam... edo adrustam bagundi naku atleast door degara kurchodaniki place dorikindi..( door degara kurchuni journey manaki koncham pichi undilendi)..... Ettakelaki annavaram cherukunnam..... Batch lo oka 3 gundu ani vellaru... eelopu nenu velli Kalyanam ticket konesanu....2 rakalu unnai ( chinna kalyanam Rs. 650/- peddakalyanam Rs. 1300/-) nenu pedda kalyanam ticket konnanu.... 2 tickets diff entra ante... 1300 ticket ki devastanam vallu vastralu pedataru ladies ki chira.. gents ki panche kanduva anthakanna emiledu...

Peetalu meeda amma, nanna kurchuntaru kanaka migatavallu Alpaharam tiskovachu ani akada purohitulu chepparu... sare ani... edo litega koncham pulihora tinesamu andaram... kalyanam 9.30ki start annaru.... time chuste gavadatamledu.... edo ala ala kastapadutu mothaniki 9.30 avane ayindi...9.30ki door open chesaru andaram velli kurchunnam..

Annavaramlo oka aacharam undi adi enti ante.. kalyanotsavamki tiskuni vache UTSAVA vigrahalu.. udayam 9.30ki Akada SKSHETRA PALAKUDU AYINA Sree rama chandra murthy alayam ninchi kachitamga 9.30ki modalu avutundi... adi pradhana alayam degaraninchi kalyana mandapamki tiskuni vastaru... so 9.30-10.00 madhya prantam lo kalyanam modalu pedataru...

Utsava vigrahalanu pratista chesi.. aavahanam chesi... sankalpam cheptaru....adi ayaka vinayaka puja chestaru...
Pelli chese vidhanam and aacharalu..

• Snatakam
• Guari puja
• Pravara
• Kanya daanam
• Jeela karra- bellam
• Tali kattadam
• talambralu
• Sadasyam
• Appaginthalu
• Chadivimpulu
• Gruhapravesham

Paina cheppina vidhanalu anni chala baga cheyincharu...nenu baga impress ayindi pravara, kanya daanam, jeela karra- bellam, tali kattadam, talambralu, sadasyam anni baaga nachai..

Pravara:
Deeni artham enti ante.. abbai and ammai valla poorvikula charithra...
example : kasyapa avatsara, nai dhruva, triya rishyeya, yajhu saakha dwayi. kasyapasa gotrasya maadhaw kalyan kumar sarma antaru

kasyapudu maa rushi
ayana koduku avatsara,
ayana kodulu dhruvudu
akadaninchi 3 rushuluga vidipoyaru
nenu vari vanshaniki chendina vadini ani meaning annamata

kanyadanam : Dharmecha, Arthecha, Kamecha, Mokshecha Aham Evam Naati Charami.

Dharmecha: Dharmamu ( daanamu) lonu
arthecha: arthamu ante financial matters
Kamecha: korikala vishayamlonu
mokshecha: mokshamu vachu samayamlonu

Naati charami: Nenu nee kumarthe mata java datanu ani artham annamata


Jeelakarra Bellam: deeni artham enti ante.. jeelakarra bellam entha gattiga kalisipotayo anthala kalisipotamu ani artham

Talambralu: Deeni artham tellani panchukuni sukhamga anandamga undandi ani


Ila ivvanni ayyaka kanyadanam chesaru... puja matram chala chala baaga chesaru... chala baga enjoy chesanu nenu...
Motham Kalyanotsavam ayyaka....
Darshanam ki vellam...adi ayyaka asusual prasadalu meeda paddamu...
Tarvata kummesi...
endalo 2ki start ayyamu return....
Devudu ekkada untaadaaa ani anukovakarledu ..... climate 45 degrees undatam valla maathopate bus lo unnadu ani telisindi debbaki...
Intiki 3.45 ki cherukunnam
okkkokkalam cheri oka half litre sprite tagithe kani challabadaledu....

Idi maa tour...........
But really njoyed....

Am Dead

Am dead
yes I died in that deep sea of love
Why weren’t you there, where have you gone?? when you had promised to rescue me?
As the cold water of dreams, emotions made me numb, I tried to call out your name
But why didn’t you come, when did things stop being the same?
Each wave of the love and affection , pulling me deeper inside

I couldn’t get you out of my head, no matter how much I tried
Thinking of you till my last moment, I guess that’s just fair
One final question before I give up, did you ever really care?
Am dead yes I died , in that deep sea of love
But I had really stopped living, the day you set me free....

My Emotions

My Heart is working as 2 separate Entities.............

My inner me is split into two.
One speaks to the other....
One fighting wit the other. Each having its own emotions.
These unwelcome emotions is the result of wat happened this day and evry day !!

One half trying to argue tat nothing is wrong, other half is unveiling the new feeling "SHAME or FEAR " wat ever you may call.....
I am unable to wipe out the emotions this uninvited incident has brought abt.....
The fight is tearing me apart. Should this be approached in a more logical manner??
1st one tells " Kalyan nothings wrong with you....You are in a perfect path..... And everything will be of yours "
other says" Kalyan wat the hell you are doing???? Do you think its the corect path....??? How do you think it will be yours???? Wat does you have to get that??? Do u think does the other thing DESERVE YOU???? Why will you bend your head???? "

I know this is History now..... Nothing is ever exactly the same twice. So whatever experience caused this distortion of thoughts shouldnt be repeated. Therefore there is no need for regret or for guilt.

But my heart is not convinced wit this line of thought......

అంతేనా...
ఇంకేం కావాలి ..
వీలైతే నాలుగు మాటలు కుదిరితే కప్పు కాఫీ.....

Amma

Oh! My Mother!

I bow my head down to you my Goddess

You are my sweet mother!

Who spread your veil in gentle protective gesture.

You mingle with my heart and mind

Your beautiful image formed in the sources of my being

Oh! My Mother ,I was born in your lap

I ran to your Bosom in joy and in sorrow

You fed me and bathed me with cool waters;

Oh! My mother you who can bear all burdens, suffering all anguish

I have taken all for me but given nothing in return,

I have hidden myself in the confines of my chamber and wasted my life in vain

pursuit....

Oh my mom!!! I just cant imagine my life without your deep disclosure in me...

Thanks for being my mom!!

Thanks for the huge one who gave me acquisition ......

I love you

My Dreamz

In my dream...

When I was sitting beside a river bank.....She came to my side

I was astonished to see her, she seemed to be an Angel that the Huge One had sent

for ME only...

Her face seemed to be a Moon in the Blue,

Her eyes seemed to be stars twinkling in the night,

Her lips are lovely like a red rose,

Her chabbi cheeks asked me to kiss them

Her complexion is summery

She came to me and said "................."

My heart started doubling, my hands started shivering

She kept her hand on my hand and hugged me

Then I was fallen in her cute heart

But..................

I was in wain as I was got up from my bed.......